A and I had stopped in The Villages — 77.6k people living in a compound (basically) with a median age of 71 — to spend the night with her grandfather on our way from St. Pete to Atlanta.
On the menu for breakfast was the infamous Darrell’s Diner. Don’t ask me what they’re famous for because my review is that they gave me rotten potatoes (literally) — I didn’t know until after a quick Google search in the car, but I knew something was off. For anyone who ever bites into a potato that has a slightly sour and tangy taste, stop eating immediately!!
It’s 7 AM and the place looks like it’s on the level between a Waffle House and IHOP (the superior chain). Her grandpa, Don, is sat across from me with a black coffee and a loose smile. He’s just happy to be around some people. Don is 84ish and still has most of his memory intact so I start diving into some questions about his life. One thing to know about me is that I like to interrogate anyone I meet right off the bat. This allows me to form a picture of who they are, what they like, and potentially find any similarities between us.
In the car, I’d asked A what Don used to do for a living and she had no idea, so I figured that’d be a fine place to start.
He was a computer programmer.
Me: Why’d you do that?
Don: I worked at a Ford factory for a while and then saw that some jobs were open for computer programming within the company. I figured I could do that, so I signed up. They sent me to IBM for a one-week course to learn about it and that was it.
Me: Did you like it?
Don: With a shrug of the shoulders and his steaming cup of black coffee that was a mere 3 cm from his lips, answered with, “it paid the bills.”
There was no question as to whether or not he wanted to do something, he simply did what was needed. There were bills to pay and mouths to feed.
There was no emphasis on finding your passion or deciding which content platform would be the best to network on.
It was simple.
It required selecting something with decent pay, where maybe a buddy of yours worked there, and a profession that was of slight interest.
Really the only time he switched jobs was out of necessity for his family or to earn more money.
At one point, Don had a job where the only time he could run the code his team needed was from 11PM to 7AM, so he did it. Then, one day, Deb (A’s mom), started crying when he got home. She had no idea who he was. It was at that moment he knew he needed a new job.
He didn’t need a new career, he just needed something that would have normal working hours. He needed his daughter to know his laugh and how he liked to drink his morning coffee with the crossword puzzle on his brown recliner each morning.
This got me thinking about how different the world is now.
People spend their whole lives trying to find their passion and sometimes fall short and end up hopelessly disappointed. They were told to keep searching for the golden spark that would land in their laps one day. Little did they know that the golden sparks are more often than not hidden in the people they work with and who they become along the way — they are whispers, not beautifully wrapped boxes.
Don wasn’t asked what he was passionate about or what he enjoyed.
But, he found joy along the way. He built relationships with his co-workers. He improved people’s lives with the code he was writing. He made an impact. Mostly, his job allowed him time to do what he loved, be a father and watch his kids grow up.
I would argue that passion is important, but that also requires a certain amount of privilege. Passion doesn’t always pay the bills. Passion isn’t something that can be willed out of you — it’s sometimes covered in shit and sitting at the bottom of the well. If you’re willing to go there, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be lucky enough to find it.
I guess what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t place too much pressure on finding your passion, because that distracts you from the now. Whenever society screams at you to find yours and proceeds lists 10 different ways you can do so, run the other way.
Instead, live a life that you love. Live in such a way that you wake up oozing with excitement, that you, yes you, get to do the things you do. Stay curious and open to what may happen.
And then maybe, passion will find you.
If not, you’ll be too busy living to notice.
Shipped this week
Ep 72: The Beautiful Messiness of Life with Writer, Lyle McKeany
At first glance, you might assume that Lyle McKeany is just an average dad who just so happens to be a fantastic writer. Upon further inspection, you'll find little gems in his writing that expose you to the highs of fatherhood, but also the arduous tasks involved in raising a daughter with cerebral palsy. You'll learn about how he's been leaning into his creative juices once again, but with a keyboard, not a bass guitar. After a roughly twenty-year (a little under) hiatus of performing in front of thousands of people with his band, Pressure 4-5, Lyle has returned, this time through a screen and with a few more stories to tell.
My takeaways:
Life has its own plans. Just when you think you're going left, a stick might be thrown in your way — forcing you to go right. Your task is to handle these twists and turns with as much grace and dignity as you can and to love the adventure.
The Creative Formula = 1 big shot of hard work + a sprinkle of sweat + a dash of skinned knees. It stings going down, but the pain fades when you realize what you've created and who you've become because of it. Better. Stronger. More aware.
3 Nuggets from this week
Cheryl Strayed life advice
I wanted to copy the entirety of this speech into this newsletter because I found it so touching, but I’ll let each of you be the judge of that. I can assure you that you will not be disappointed. Cheryl Strayed, the author of Wild, offers her wisdom on how to live to English majors at the University of Alabama.
"You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts.
You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth. But that’s all.
…When I say you don’t have to explain what you’re going to do with your life I’m not suggesting you lounge around whining about how difficult it is. I’m suggesting you apply yourself in directions for which we have no accurate measurement. I’m talking about work. And love."
Overcoming Obstacles and Beating Out the Top 10-12%
There are over 2 million podcasts in the world. Of the 600 million blogs on the internet, only 8% of bloggers make a full-time living from it. Knowing this, is there still room to be a creator and make money from it?
In this Reddit thread, the author slashes the notion that creator spaces are too crowded. He argues that two things separate those who make it and those who don’t.
First, they don’t quit — they commit to making it work.
Second, they figure out the obstacles in their way and plan ways to overcome them — ahead of time. One example of doing so is using the Woop Mental Model.
Wish — Which goal do you want to achieve?
Outcome — How will you feel when you achieve the goal?
Obstacle — What are your main obstacles?
Plan — How are you going to overcome the obstacles?
Coping with Loneliness
There have been a few times when my world’s been rocked — most occurring when I moved to different states or countries alone — because of my lack of in-person social interaction. I would retreat into myself and find myself wanting to do nothing more than lounge on the couch with a trashy reality tv show. That’s not what I really want to do unless it was the day after arriving anywhere and jetlag had me beat. Most times, I’ve just craved being around those that bring me immediate joy (old friends) that I cannot stand interacting with new people.
As anyone can guess, too much time alone and trashy tv isn’t a good mix. Loneliness hits everyone at different points and wears different clothing. Maybe for you, it’s when you’re with your group of friends, but you feel like no one gets you anymore. You’re not crazy, you’re changing. That’s okay.
I believe a healthy amount of it at certain times is good for everyone. It makes us sit with ourselves and evaluate who we are and what we want. Too much though and the once bubbly girl at work could become an anxious Angie who bites her nails, never leaves her apartment, and thinks everyone is plotting against her — not good.
Notes from this article to combat loneliness:
Create a list of things that you can do by yourself that you enjoy doing (for me this is always hiking or something else in nature)
Force yourself to socialize sometimes, most people aren’t scary once you get them to crack a smile
Loneliness is temporary
Quote of the week
“People are mistaken when they think chasing your dream is a selfish thing to do. As if perhaps being average is an act of humility. As if perhaps wasting the talents you were given is proof that you're a considerate individual. It's not.” - Jon Acuff
Keep rising,
JTM