On the way back from camping in Pisgah National Forrest last weekend, I called a friend of mine who’s been living in Houston, TX for the last six months. The high of moving somewhere new is starting to fade as the humidity levels begin to rise.
While on the phone, she asked me how I settled on Charlotte.
Did I know I wasn’t going to be in the places (NZ, PHX, ATL, DEN), I’d lived previously for longer? Or what made me move each time? Was I ever homesick?
On the surface, I had every intention of staying in each place I lived (4 states, 2 countries). Hell, I got a year-long working holiday visa for New Zealand. My friends had a running joke that I’d meet my future partner while I was over there and never return to the States!
Three months later, I was back in NC for my dad’s birthday.
Underneath, the truth was that I had no intention of being in any of the places I was for a long period of time. Not because I didn’t want to be in those places. But because I was looking for each place to save me; to show me the answers to the questions I was grappling with.
What do I want to do with my life? What career is for me? What brings me joy? Who do I want to be around? Where do I want to live? How do I want to live?
For the first time in my life, I was 100% in charge of where I was located, who I was surrounded by, and what I was doing. No syllabus. No friends nearby. No list of majors (directions) to choose from — the world was wide open. I had now entered the build-your-own section of life and I was terrified. I panicked.
I could not figure out what I wanted, but I also never gave (or had @COVID) myself enough time to adjust anywhere.
After 18 months of jumping around, I was exhausted.
Driving home with my mom from Phoenix to Charlotte on Thanksgiving of 2020, I felt like I was getting checked into rehab. Something needed to change. I needed to stay somewhere for at least a year. I needed to grow roots. I needed to allow myself to settle down. I needed to build a community. I needed to stop buying into what social media was shoving down my throat about how travel could save me.
At the time, I had about $7k to my name. So, I created a contract between my parents and me. The deal was I had to stay in Charlotte, NC — free place to live — for at least a year unless extenuating circumstances (a job) took me elsewhere. Should I choose to dip before then for kicks and giggles, I’d owe my parents $5k.
Looking back, I don’t think it was the monetary incentive that kept me in Charlotte, nor was it meeting A a month later. I think it was because I was tired of running. I had tried other avenues and they hadn’t panned out (for various reasons, not always on me).
I didn’t know what else to do, but I knew doing what I’d previously done wasn’t working and anything was better than the mental anguish I’d caused myself.
So, I took a breath. I settled down. I unpacked my suitcases.
I started exploring what I wanted and what I liked in life.
And you know what’s crazy? It’s worked.
I just signed (today) a contract for a banging new remote job as an SEO copywriter. It took me MONTHS of applying to finally land this FT role, but it’s a HUGE step. I started freelance copywriting in September of 2021 while working in customer success (which I hated) to eventually transition full-time into copywriting. After getting let go from my main job in December, I freelanced full-time but knew I couldn’t get where I wanted in my career without working for a company (feedback, community, less context switching). The process proved more difficult than expected with my background, but all things work out eventually and well, here we are 🏁.
I have a solid sense of community now. Between my apartment friends, gym pals, high school buddies, college homies, and family, I’d say I’m set.
So to answer her question, I didn’t end up in Charlotte because I wanted to be.
I ended up in Charlotte because it provided me with a safety net (read: stability) that I very much needed.
My advice to my friend was to spend time thinking about what you value in your work (challenge, creativity, writing), your friends (active, sober, honest), your environment (mountains, medium to small city), yourself (exercise, sleep), and your family (quality time). From there figure out what’s most important based on these answers. How you can give yourself what you’re lacking?
With lots of time and experimentation, you’ll get there.
— JTM
Written from Matanuck, RI.